Monday, February 13, 2017

Don't Miss a Haiti

There are few things I love more than hearing God speak to your heart exactly what you needed to hear and I graciously got to experience that tonight.

Y'all I am a people pleaser to a fault. I have been that way for as long as I can remember. Now, I'm not *quite* as bad I used to be in some aspects. I am very opinionated and convicted in my beliefs and for the most part have no trouble sharing them. Actually, at this stage of life, sometimes my struggle is taming my tongue (something that I NEVER thought would have been a struggle of mine). There are times that my mouth opens and words come out before I have even realized that I did more than think them. This is quite the opposite of who I was growing up.

Nevertheless, I am, at heart, a people pleaser. It is a character trait that fed into the struggle of the eating disorder and it fed into my rationale behind hiding my hurts at the root of the eating disorder. And it is absolutely, without a doubt, 100% a spiritual battlefield for me. 

There have been and are times that there is no doubt God is calling me or my family to something that maybe not everyone in our lives understands or is supportive of. That is a phenomenal struggle for me. It is hard for me to do something that people we love and care about aren't supportive of even when I know that the Lord has called me or my family to it. 

One example was Haiti. There were so many people I love and care about who were indescribably supportive of the Lord calling me to Haiti and I cannot ever express my gratitude--including my husband who parented solo all week while I was gone and gave up the opportunity to be with me on my birthday for the second year in a row. But not everyone I love and care about was supportive of the Lord calling me to Haiti. And I struggled with that. I doubted and second guessed. 

I look back at my time in Haiti and I am thankful with every fiber of my being that the Lord's calling won out over the desire to please men, because that week in Haiti was life changing in so, so many ways. Now, Haiti has a huge piece of my heart and I promise you that I will be back because the Lord has kept Haiti on my heart ever since I returned (and side note, my momma heart leaps every time Cathleen tells me she wants to get on an airplane and go to Haiti because bless her little three year old servant heart, when she is old enough, I will gladly serve alongside her in Haiti). 

But I can't help but wonder how many "Haiti's" I have missed out on because my fleshly desire to please people won out. 

Tonight I was reminded of Galatians 1:10. I was reminded that my love for my family should pale in comparison to my love for Christ (and guys I ADORE my children and husband...how much more then should I adore Christ?). I was reminded that answering God's calling as an individual and as a family will always require sacrifice and it will usually be a sacrifice that those closest to us may not understand, and therefore may not support. That's hard and it always will be hard, but that difficulty cannot inhibit God's calling to me as a woman after God's heart or to His calling to my family as a family that seeks to be His hands and feet in a hurting world and a picture of the Gospel to the most vulnerable.

I think that a lack of support can always be redeemed. I saw that some in Haiti...some of those who weren't so supportive saw my heart for Haiti when I returned...a heart for Haiti that could have only been planted by a God who loves the people of Haiti so much that He died for them. Just as Christ has redemptive power in our lives, He has redemptive power to reconcile those relationships that may be cracked because of a lack of understanding. When you follow His calling, there is power for them to see what God is doing through that calling and to switch gears. Does that always happen? No. Unfortunately there will sometimes be cracks that won't be mended. But those potential cracks cannot prevent us from loving Christ with abandon and pursuing His will and calling in our lives without hindrance. That has to come first.

Oh how my people pleasing heart needed this message tonight and to be reminded that this is absolutely a spiritual battle for me. If you needed to hear that too, please know that you are not alone and you are prayed for
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