Saturday, September 24, 2016

I Am Sent

On September 3, I was blessed to spend my day traveling to Haiti where I would spend the week serving with an incredible team that was so obviously handpicked by God to work together that week serving the people of Haiti and sharing the Gospel with them.


It was a week of my life that I will always remember. I left a piece of my heart in Haiti and I cannot wait to return.


But anyone who has ever been on a mission trip will tell you that while you go to work, God works on you. It has happened every single time, and Haiti was no different.
The very first night with the whole team gathered on the roof, we heard music and decided on a whim to follow it and find out if it was worship music. Sure enough it was and we were privileged to sit in on a Haitian church service. Other than the little bit of English they sang for a moment for us and the little bit of English they used when they asked us to introduce ourselves and then told us that they would not be preaching in English, I didn't understand a word that they said other than "Jesus" and "hallelujah". 
Even though they worshipped and preached in a language that I couldn't understand, God spoke to my heart so strongly that I fought tears the entire time. It was amazing to hear how God spoke something different to each one of us that night during the service. It was like God took that first night to start working on any obstacle we may have that could hinder our ability to minister to others.
For me, it was an idol that needed to be plucked from my life. To sum it up, the idol was discontentment. It was that feeling when everything isn't going exactly how I planned it or there are things that I feel like if only I could do this  or if only this would happen then I would be content. God took those lies and destroyed them in my heart that night. He opened my eyes to all that I have and the beauty of how sovereign His plan is. He reminded me that He has every moment of my life planned out and that I need to be content in periods of waiting and not just when things are going exactly like I think they should be. 
While I'm waiting, I will serve You
While I'm waiting, I will worship
While I'm waiting, I will not faint
I'll be running the race even while I wait
~"While I'm Waiting", Josh Waller
That next morning, we went on a prayer walk. Actually, it was more like a prayer hike. Up a 70 degree angle. For about two miles. In direct sunlight.
I have never felt so out of shape in my life and physically it was hard. There were moments I was walking uphill bent halfway over with my hands on my knees willing my legs to keep taking one step after the other. But when I got to the top of that hill and stopped to wait on the last few people to make it there as we made our way down, my heart was overwhelmed. I looked down over the hills of the area we were in all the way down to the ocean and I clenched my jaw together as I fought back tears.
Those tears were full of so much gratitude. Exactly one year before that I was in the last day of my very first week of treatment at A Center for Eating Disorders. One year from finishing my first week of treatment, I was starting one of the most incredible experiences that God has allowed in my life. He had just given me the strength to do something that one year before my body would not have had the strength or stamina to even come close to finishing. 
It was the absolute perfect picture of grace and redemption. That view will always be engrained in my mind. That hilltop was so significant to me.
The mountain that my eating disorder has been in my life was symbolized by that hill in Haiti. The last year God carried me up the mountain when I didn't have the strength to take one step. In Haiti, He walked with me while I physically walked that hill. He stood with us as we stopped to pray over the people we passed. He was there to catch those tears that creeped out of the corner of my eyes overlooking Haiti when the magnitude of all that He has done for me just in the last year overwhelmed my heart.
He saved my soul in 2004. Then He physically gave me life again starting just over a year ago. He saves me over and over again and I am so unworthy. But He does it anyway. I can't put into words the magnitude of that type of love. But I can say thank you with my life. 
Wherever He calls me. However He calls me. I am content, but I am not settled. I am sent.
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