Monday, August 10, 2015

How Can It Be?

Tomorrow brings another milestone with Barrett's pregnancy. On August 11, 2012, we had our gender reveal party. We had a beautiful Pinterest worthy cake and a onesie with his name monogrammed it to announce his gender and name to our family and friends.

It was an amazing day filled with smiles and laughter. The photos from that day boast proud parents with glowing faces and my beautiful round belly that carried a precious treasure.

Last night at church I had one of those moments where God sent me exactly what I needed in that moment. We were singing "Forever" by Kari Jobe. It's a song that I hear almost daily on satellite radio, but there is something about seeing the lyrics on that big screen at church as you sing along that sometimes reveals lyrics that you had absentmindedly sang before. 

As we began to sing the lyrics,

"The ground began to shake
                                                             The stone was rolled away
                                                           His perfect love could not be overcome
                                                             Now death where is your sting?
                                                              Our resurrected King
                                                         Has rendered you defeated"

my heart swelled. I looked at the stained glass windows that were to my right and studied the images of the crucifixion and the resurrection as I processed those lyrics in my mind. My heart, in the midst of grief, was filled with overwhelming gratitude to my Savior. Because of his mercy and grace, I grieve with hope. My Savior defeated death, and because of that, though I wade through excruciating grief on earth, I do so knowing that it is only temporary and one day I will be reunited with my son.

The next song we sang was "How Can It Be?" by Lauren Dangle which was an overwhelming follow up to that song. The gratitude I was feeling became completely overwhelming. Because of His sacrifice, not only do I have the promise of eternal life, but I have the promise that this grief and pain is only temporary.

I glanced at the stained glass windows again and focused on the image of the crucifixion. I looked at those nail pierced hands and sat in awe of the truth that those hands had carefully formed my baby boy and instilled his great purpose within him. A peace came over me with the reminder that those same hands that so graciously formed his life, are holding him now.

As Brent and I were headed home this evening with the girls, Audrey began to excitedly scream "IT'S A RAINBOW!". I glanced up expecting to have to search for a barely visible rainbow, but instead, I saw a large, vibrant, beautiful rainbow stretching across the sky in a grand ark; the perfect reminder of that grand promise.

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