Wednesday, September 17, 2014

This Mother's Day

This Mother's Day is different from any before it. After Easter Audrey asked me what holiday came next and I told her Mother's Day. So she has been talking about Mother's Day since Easter. She would say "Mommy, Mother's Day is when you make something for your mother". As sweet as that is, it made me a little sad.

It made me sad to think of all the moms whose babies aren't here to make them a card and wrap their little arms around their neck. I thought of all the moms who held their babies in their wombs, but now hold them in their hearts. I call many of these women "friend" and my heart broke for them. To think that people may not remember to recognize them today brought tears to my eyes. To any of you reading this, you are just as much a mother as I am and I commend you for your strength.

This Mother's Day, there is an empty void in my house where my son should be four months old and waking me up bright and early this morning. Carrying a rainbow baby is very emotional at times. I want my son here. I want to hear his little giggles this morning as we get ready for church. But I know if he were here, then Cate wouldn't be. In a weird way that almost makes me feel like I'm choosing between my babies--who would I rather have here? But I want them both here. That part of Mother's Day has not been easy for me because I don't feel complete as a mother without him.

But this Mother's Day is different in good ways too. This Mother's Day is my first to be awakened at midnight by the kicks of a precious life growing in my womb. This Mother's Day I am sitting here with one daughter kicking away and the other singing "Pop! Goes the Weasel" in my ear as I type this.

This Mother's Day I am thankful for the even closer bond that has grown between myself and my mother just in the last few months. I am thankful for all three of my children and I am intensely missing the one who isn't here.

This Mother's Day I want to take time to remember the mothers who can't hold their babies in their arms today. Not only are you mothers, but you are among the strongest.

1 comment:

  1. Very very very sweet post hunny. I hope you had a great day and were able to smile with your oldest and the sweet little one inside you. Despite your little angel, all of our little angels, we do have so much to be thankful for and look forward to joining them all when the Lord brings us home.


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