Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Embracing

I've been wearing out Google search on my iPad today. Some new words have been added to my everyday vocabulary: epilepsy--tonic clonic seizure. I've heard both terms before, but they've never been applied to me before today. Now I want to find out everything I can about them.

I found this awesome app on the iPad called "Seizure Diary". It reminds me to take my medicine and allows me to keep up with when I have a seizure, how long it lasts, etc, etc. It's an awesome app for anyone with seizures!

I've spent a lot of time on epilepsy.com tonight. It's an abundance of information, but I'm taking it all in. I have to admit--all of this is scary. I have so much admiration for children with epilepsy. I'm an adult and I'm scared to death.

Right now I'm mostly scared for the baby. A seizure could be very dangerous for the baby. I am praying so hard to make it through September without a seizure. There are so many things I can't do anymore or things I can't do without supervision. Once again, my struggle with pride and independence is being tested. I'm being forced to depend on others for everyday tasks.

I titled this post "embracing" because that's what I'm trying to do today. I don't want to have a pity party, because there are so many people who have it way worse than me. I'm trying to embrace this new aspect of my life. I can't change it, so I might as well accept it and do my best to take care of myself.

Stress is one of my seizure triggers, so as my husband says, I need to learn to chill out. I've got to learn to truly give things to God and let Him take care of it. I'm not superwoman and I can't do everything, I can't handle everything, and I can't take care of everything.

My struggle right now is not stressing over how this will affect the baby. I was pregnant when I had my seizure a couple of weeks ago and we honestly still have no idea whether it affected the baby or not. Only time will tell, but I know that whatever meets us down the road, it's in His plan and He will be with us all the way--good or bad. (But I am praying and believing GOOD!).

Be sure to check out the blog tomorrow! I'll be sharing some of your Pay it Forward pictures you've submitted!


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