Friday, February 14, 2014

My Missing Valentine

First off, I love Valentine's Day. I don't think it's only for people who aren't single. I think it's for everyone. Yes, you should show people that you love them every day, but that doesn't make it wrong to have a special day set aside just to celebrate love in general.
For me, it's about celebrating everyone that I love and the love of my Savior.
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Romans 5:8
But a huge piece of my heart isn't here today and I'll admit, it's had me kind of down this week. Yes, I know how blessed I am. There is no way I could forget that as I spend each day with my wonderful husband and my beautiful girls. But as a mother, I also can't forget that one of my children is missing.
Barrett's Molly Bear

As I purchased cute little Valentine happy's for the kids, it's exciting to think of the girls faces when they see theirs, but it brings tears to my eyes to think that Barrett's gifts will just sit on a grave marker.
I know he's having the time of his life today. He is spending a day set aside to celebrate love with the One who demonstrated the ultimate definition of love. I can't think of any better way to spend Valentine's day.
But I still miss him. And there are times when I wonder if I should "move on" as people say, or if something is wrong with me because I can't, or look at the blessings I have. But the thing is, I do look at the blessings I have every single day. And Barrett is one of those blessings. And I'm human and a mother, and I will always miss him. I'm learning that that's ok too. It's ok if I still go to a quiet place and cry when I need to. That's ok. It's part of my grieving journey, and everyone's is different.
Today I am celebrating Valentine's Day with the pieces of my heart that I can hold and the one that I long to hold. I am praying for other grieving mothers who are missing a Valentine today. It's ok to miss them, no matter how long it's been.
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