Thursday, August 22, 2013

The Worst Day of my Life

One year ago today was the worst day of my life. I can't believe it's been a year. On August 22, 2012, I was told that my precious, and oh so wanted, baby boy no longer had a heartbeat. I was sent home to pack and come back to the hospital to be induced and spend the night in labor knowing I would never hear that precious newborn cry.
I've spent the last two weeks reflecting on this past year. It's amazing how much of an impact one year can have on a person and on the family unit. Because of events on this day in August one year ago, my family will never be the same. We will always be missing a huge piece, but at the same time I can't imagine how we could possibly be anymore whole than we are today.
Barrett has given and continues to give so much to my family and to people all over the world.
At this moment, I think back to where I was at this time last year. I was getting ready for the doctor appointment that would turn my entire world upside down. I think of the days that followed and the cloud of fog that surrounded me for so long in the days after his death.
And then I look at where I am today. I look at my belly that is almost 37 weeks along in pregnancy. I feel Barrett's little sister pushing on my ribs with her feet. She is our rainbow baby.
God sent the rainbow after the flood. It signifies a promise, and it signifies a hope. Cate has been every bit of that description to us. She has been our promise from God that He doesn't leave you even in the toughest times and that He is always faithful. She is our promise that good things can come from the darkest of storms. Cate is our hope of life to come and I thank God for her and Audrey every day. I love all three of my babies and I can think of no greater blessing in this life than to be a mom.
One year after our little boy passed away, Brent and I are on completely different paths than we were at that time. Different careers, a new house, and many new opportunities on the horizon. With the help of our Savior, we have moved forward as Believers, as a family, and as individuals. We have moved forward but we have not moved on. Barrett is still included as part of our family in everything we do and that's how it will continue to be.
I can't believe tomorrow will be his birthday already. Time really does fly. Thank you to all of you who have followed our journey here for the last year--I hope you stick with us to see where God and Barrett will take us next!

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  1. I came upon your blog today and it really touched my heart. I hope your journey forward is always blessed.


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