Wednesday, July 31, 2013

{Guest Post} Melissa @ Home on Deranged

So excited to have a guest post from Melissa at  Home on Deranged today! Check out her post and then follow her blog and social networks!

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5 Things You Probably Know About Parenthood

Some days, it doesn't pay to be a mother. Okay, it never pays to be a mother unless you've figured out the magical way to get paid for changing diapers, soothing crying babies, living through sleep deprivation for years, and so much more. If you have figured this out, please let me know ASAP.
There are plenty of books, videos, websites and friends and relatives to share their opinions and thoughts, but in the end, it all comes down to this: none of us have any idea what we are doing. Not even the experts, who want you to buy their stuff so they can make money off being a mother.
So having said that, I decided to create a list of 5 things you probably already know but hadn't really said out loud because you figure, hey! everybody already knows that. Let me know if you agree or disagree.
1. Some days, you won't enjoy being a mom. It's not that you won't love your kids or the fact that have taken over your life and home. But the days when it's so tiring, when no one will listen to your wise instructions, when they decide that after months of liking corn, they cannot stand the sight of it, when they fight over two Lego blocks, and you can't get your husband to stay with them for 10 minutes in order for you to have a shower, you'll have a fleeting thought of, "Why on earth did I do this?"
2. Some days, you'll wish you were so rich that you could have a full-time nanny. No mother likes to hear, "I love the babysitter more than you." It's the cuddles and hugs and smiles you get when you've been gone for a while and they rush into your arms because they are so gleeful to get to see you again that make the best memories. But, sometimes, you'll wish for a fantastically rich life where the nanny handles every single thing. A world where the diapers and feedings and baths and bedtime and cartoon wrestling is handled by someone else, and you can just come in, get some ridiculously awesome cuddles and then sleep in peaceful bliss for eight straight hours.
3. Some days, you'll realize that being an older mom doesn't necessarily make you a better mom. I thought for sure that I would be a calmer, more patient and relaxed mom at the age of 41. I thought for sure that I would have a better handle on my emotions and therefore be able to handle meltdowns in a more reasonable fashion than screaming. Turns out, those hormones will rage no matter what age you are, and the incessant questioning of your skills will continue to rocket around your brain until you are sitting on your bathroom floor, reduced to a crying heap.
4. Some days, the urge to have just one more baby will nag at you so hard, you will want to have sex with your husband for hours on end, just to get to the jackpot. You will be jealous of your friends and family and even strangers you see at the mall who have that big, round belly and glow of pregnancy. You will ask yourself why you didn't start sooner so you could have had three or four or more and live out your life on some farm. You will try to rationalize the extra expense, the toll on your body, the way a new baby will throw what little structure you have in your life completely out of whack. Then one day you will either stop using birth control or ask you husband to have a vasectomy. It just takes time to figure out which one it will be.
5. Some days, you will be terrified. Once in a while, you will allow yourself the freedom to agonize over all the things that could go wrong. If your child had landed just a little differently on that jump, she could have broken her neck. If baby boy had landed a little to the left, he would have gouged out his eye. If I had been one second later, she would have consumed the entire bottle of bleach. If I hadn't yelled at the top of my lungs, that weirdo in Walmart might have actually just walked off with my baby. If I don't go see a doctor soon, I may not make it to my daughter's graduation or my son's wedding. If our baby gets a terminal disease - or worse - I will not survive it.
Luckily, all these moments pass. Luckily, there is so much more room in your heart for love that you won't believe it. Luckily, you do get paid for being a mother, because you can't put a price on hearing, "I love you, Mommy."


About the Author
After a career as a newspaper reporter, Melissa Swedoski thought she was well informed on the chaos of everyday life. Now, “mumbling through the mayhem of marriage and motherhood,” she is a SAHM to two toddler girls, and is turning her investigative eye on the mishaps and misadventures of parenting and the marathon that is marriage, always with the emphasis on humor and love. You can find her at Home on Deranged or follow her on Facebook or Twitter.
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35 comments:

  1. AWESOME post!!! Melissa, you hit the nail on the head.
    Even with 5 kids and being 39, I still get the baby itch. I usually just ask someone to slap me so I'll snap out of it! ;)

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    1. If I ever asked for a slap, I'd probably get it, so it's best to keep that to myself, lol.
      It's hardest around actual babies. Pictures of babies I can handle. Almost. :)

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  2. This was so sweet and poignant. You nailed it!

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    1. Thank you so much. Not sure anyone's ever called me poignant. hmm...

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  3. I've thought every one of those things. The good thing, for me, about having kids a little later is that my memory isn't what it used to be. And. . . well . . . some things are better forgotten.

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    1. Oh many things are better forgotten. But that's what gets me in trouble. I forget what it was like to walk a newborn around the floor for hours at a time.

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  4. So true! Motherhood is filled with highs and lows....but I wouldn't trade it for the world!

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    1. Certainly not. I wouldn't get the joy of someone hugging me violently, followed by someone sitting on my head.

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  5. Coming from the Honest Voices link up. Loved this!!!!

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    1. Thank you so much! Isn't that the best linkup???

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  6. You summed that up perfectly! Some day when your kids have their own tiny terrors, they'll thoroughly appreciate you. They will, I promise.

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    1. Lol, well, I don't know about appreciate, but they'll certainly call me in for free babysitting services. :)

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  7. Well Miss, you hit it right on the head! Isaiah loves his babysitter SO MUCH more than me. He always tells me to leave when I get home. Ungrateful. And I pretend I have never wanted another child, but I secretly have adoptuskids.org bookmarked on my computer..... just shoot me!

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    1. Especially when they go flying at the babysitter when she arrives and walk away from you like you aren't in the room. Real warm and fuzzy, that one.
      Now I have to go check out that site...

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  8. It took me 20 something years before I finally appreciated my mom. It probably wasn't until I got pregnant that I reached the highest level of love and appreciation for her. I hope it doesn't take my child 30 years+ to reach the same conclusion about me.

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    1. It took me so long to recognize my parents as people, and when I did, all that knowledge nearly overwhelmed me! And now to compare what they must have been doing as I'm doing it...surreal.

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  9. I thought I was calmer with my first and I was only 28 when she was born! Ok and totally about seeing pregnant women and getting a bit jealous. I know I still have time (but not money) to have a third kid, but I get jealous of people who still get to experience it a first or second time. Agh, I drive myself crazy.

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    1. Totally understand. My logical, reasonable side points out the money thing, the house thing, the car thing, about 20 reasons why having a third baby is just ridiculous. But then I hold a baby or smell a baby or even snuggle with mine (when they let me), and reason goes right out the window.

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  10. You definitely hit the nail on the head and I am definitely not a calm mom! Motherhood has it's ups and downs, but I wouldn't trade it for anything!

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    1. It seems like a cycle to me - I'm calm for a day or two, and then I unleash. I've also noticed that my mood seems to reflect my husband's, so if he's grouchy with the kids, I try to be uber-perky. Weird. But no, wouldn't trade any of this wild ride.

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  11. Well said. I really needed to read this today, too. It's so strange how having someone else say/type things out loud can make you feel better. Motherhood is a hard gig. But no one's alone in it.

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    1. I'm so very glad that this made you feel better. I think we take for granted what we think is too "obvious," when the reality is, someone really needs to say it out loud!

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  12. Perfect!
    P.S. I finally found the answer to the baby itch - grandchildren!!!

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    1. lol. So now I just have to wait 20 or so years. Ack! :)

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  13. Staci - Thank you so much for sharing some of your real estate with me! You have such a lovely blog and wonderful readers. It was really such a pleasure to have this opportunity. :)

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  14. These are all so right on. I have felt them all at some point or another.

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    1. And probably still feel some of them. Apparently, only the first 40 years of parenthood are the hardest. :)

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  15. I loved and totally related to your post!!!! I have felt each and every one of these feelings, and especially have gotten pregnancy envy, even after having three children and being past 45!! Thanks again!

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    1. Thank you, Kathy. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who occasionally still has "baby fever." :)

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  16. I am totally having an "I wish I had a full time Nanny' day.. Alas....
    Thanks for hooking up to the Hump Day Hook Up

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  17. I wish I had a nanny regularly and some days I hate motherhood. But then he says something funny, or looks particularly cute, or cuddles up with me in the mornings and I realize that I wouldn't trade it for anything.

    Thanks for linking up last week at the Tuesday Baby link up. I hope you will join us again this week if you haven't already.

    http://www.adventureswithcaptaindestructo.com/2013/08/tuesday-baby-week-42.html

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  18. I've definitely wished for a full time nanny! ;)

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