Thursday, April 18, 2013

Barrett on the Brain

I've had Barrett on my mind a lot yesterday and today. Today is what we in the baby loss community refer to as my POL. POL=point of loss.

I was 18 weeks when I found out Barrett died. I'm now 18 weeks pregnant.

POL causes so many emotions. It's scary because the number 18 is associated with his death in my head. At the same time, it also gives me hope that I am sitting here at 18 weeks and I can feel baby Cate rolling around and squirming. I have to remind myself this is a different pregnancy. I think having a girl is helping with that.

A friend posted this on my Facebook yesterday:

I love this because it's exactly how I am feeling right now. The joy of Cate's beautiful life doesn't take away from the pain of Barrett's beautiful life coming to an end. Having Cate has not made me forget about him--if anything, I probably think of him more now. But what Cate has brought to my husband and myself is a ray of light in the dark storm we are still passing through.

You know when it's storming outside and the sun starts to peek from the clouds? The clouds are still dark and still there and the rain is still coming down, but that sun peeking through provides a glimmer of hope that you will make it through the storm. That's what Cate has been for my family--that glimmer of hope.

The storm is still raging but she gives us something to hold onto and look forward to in this life until we can see Barrett again.


  1. Prayers coming your way. Blessings, Deborah


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