Tuesday, March 19, 2013

It's Complicated

This pregnancy has brought me so many emotions. {Joy} being the most overwhelming. I've been anxious--I can't count how many times a day I worry about baby and worry about whether something will go wrong (THANK GOODNESS for my doppler). With Barrett, I had no signs that anything had gone wrong, so that has basically made me a paranoid pregnant lady. I can't wait for September to be here so I can finally hold this precious child.

I told y'all I feel like this baby is a girl--and most days I do. Some days I think boy. I can't settle on one or the other with this baby, so I'm going with Audrey's prediction of girl (she was right about her brother!).

There have been times lately that I have caught myself calling the boy "he" when I talk about it. I always catch myself and pause afterwards because I know why I do this--sometimes my mind still feels like I'm pregnant with Barrett. He should have been born in January and since it hasn't been that long, mentally I just associate him with this pregnancy sometimes. It makes me feel crazy, but I know it's normal after a loss.

I guess that because I never got the time with him I thought I would have, at times it still feels like I should still be pregnant with him. There are times I have to stop and remind myself that this isn't him--he's gone. But that reminder isn't all sad--God has placed a new life inside of me--a tiny, beautiful little baby who is growing every day.

The doppler was a purchase that has put my mind at ease so much. Hearing that precious heart beat everyday is so reassuring. I think next Tuesday will be the first appointment that I don't head into an ultrasound holding my breath wondering if there will be a heart beat--because I can hear it myself at home. It has definitely eased my anxiousness.


So, next week at my ultrasound I will be 14weeks 5days and I'm hoping we find out the sex! Any guesses??

5 comments:

  1. Getting a gender guess has always been one of my favorite things! So far with both girls, the first time we tried to check they both closed their legs so tight and wiggled around so much that they could only guess. Hope you get a great view!

    Found you through the Bloglovin' link up! New follower! Can't wait to read more!

    Sara
    http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/4064439

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  2. You have such a cute bump! Thanks for following my blog, following you back now :) I look forward to your future posts!

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  3. You look wonderful! I just stumbled across your blog from the blog hop and am now following you through BlogLovin! :) I'm excited to read about your baby bump journey.. I am a mama of an 11 month old, and having a bump seems SO long ago even though it was just last year! :)

    www.prettylittleelm.blogspot.com

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  4. The only thing better than finding out the sex of the baby is having him...her???

    Have fun and good luck!

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  5. Congrats that is so excited! Found you via BlogHop and started following you!
    Courtney @ Air Force Wife and Our Life
    http://lifeasthebrownfamily.blogspot.com

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I love hearing from you :)