Sunday, February 17, 2013

What is it Like?

What is it like?

This is a question I've been asked about having a seizure. If you've never had one, then you can't really know what it's like. I pray that you don't ever truly know that feeling. It is not a fun one.

There are different types of seizures and they affect people differently. I suffer from tonic clonic seizures. Suffer. There is no other word for it. It's miserable.

When I have a seizure it affects all of me--both mentally and physically. I can't remember anything. I remember with my last seizure in January waking up in an ambulance with a man standing over me asking me if I knew where I was and what his name was. I was terrified. I had no idea where I was or who he was. My vision was blurry and I could barely make out the inside of the ambulance. Nothing was familiar to me. What was even scarier? Finding out that he had already told me where I was and what his name was more than five times.

When I have a seizure, my short term memory is temporarily shot. That is a terrifying feeling. Even when my memory came back a couple of days later, all I could remember was going to church and then coming home and washing clothes, and waking up in an ambulance.

Imagine losing complete control over your body physically and it can happen any time, any place. Scary?

When I wake up, I'm exhausted. All I want to do is sleep for days. It literally takes 2-3 days before I start to have energy and feel like myself again. One seizure sets me back for days. I hate it.

Life with epilepsy is a daily struggle mentally and emotionally even on seizure free days. Everywhere I go--work, church, shopping, anything--I think Please don't let me have a seizure here.

Being pregnant, every day I pray to stay seizure free at least until baby gets here. The possible harm a seizure could cause baby scares me more than anything.

Having epilepsy is miserable at times, but like I said in a previous post, I am a firm believer that God can turn your miseries into a ministry. I'm just waiting to see how He will use this and what the future holds. I am praying that my epilepsy diagnosis will somehow bring glory to Him.


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