Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Hold Me Jesus

This time of year should be a relaxing and fun time, but circumstances have caused this to be an extremely stressful past week and a half. Not only have I been desperately wishing my boy was here with us, but other things going on in my life have caused me to go into overdrive with worry--that can't eat, can't sleep kind of worry.

 Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
Matthew 6:34

When I can't sleep at night and I have my thoughts all to myself, I've learned that's when I need to pick up my Bible and just read the most. God always seems to send exactly what I need to read and I can definitely confirm that from the last week or so.

But now thus says the LORD, he who created you, O Jacob,  he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you;  I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;  and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I give Egypt as your ransom, Cush and Seba in exchange for you.
Isaiah  43:1-3
I cannot even describe how much I needed to read these three verses last week when I first came across them. No matter what you are going through, it won't take you down. It may beat you up and break you, but it won't defeat you. No matter how big your struggle is, God is always bigger.
When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.
Psalm 56:3
This simple verse has been such a good reminder for me. It is a verse I have repeated over and over in my mind recently. 
My family and I recently traveled to Fort Payne to visit with some of my husband's family. It was a much needed weekend away. It is a lot easier to put your worries and stresses momentarily on hold when you are in a different environment. It is a good distraction to just get away. On the way home though, I just kept thinking that I was headed back to face reality. You can take a break, but you can't run away from your struggles. During the trip home I put my headphones in and turned my iTunes on shuffle. In the same way that God always sends me the right verses I need to read, He also seems to send me the right song just when I need it. I could feel myself begin to become anxious and worried again, when all of a sudden a song that I downloaded a few weeks ago and forgot about played in my ears.

Hold Me Jesus
Big Daddy Weave
Sometimes my life just don't make sense at all.
When the mountain looks so big and my faith just seems so small.

So hold me Jesus,
'Cause I'm shakin' like a leaf.
You have been King of my Glory.
Won't You be my Prince of Peace?

When I wake up in the night I feel the dark.
It's so hot inside my soul.
I swear, there must be blisters on my heart.

So hold me Jesus,
'Cause I'm shakin' like a leaf.
You have been King of my Glory.
Won't You be my Prince of Peace?

Surrender don't come natural to me.
I'd rather fight You for something I don't really want
Than to take what You give that I need...
And I've beat my head against so many walls,
I'm falling down, falling on my knees...
God, please.
And the Salvation Army band is playing this hymn,
And Your grace rings out so deep.
It makes my resistance seem so thin.

So hold me Jesus,
'Cause I'm shakin' like a leaf.
You have been King of my Glory.
Won't You be my Prince of Peace?

I teared up as I looked out my window and took in every word of this song. I love the personal relationship we can have with Jesus--that we can call Him Father. Hold me. Those words resonated within me. That's exactly what I wanted. It was just how I felt at that moment. I looked at Barrett's lovey riding in the front of the car and my heart ached. Another recent loss also hit me all over again in that moment as I thought about their absence from the holiday season. Everything else going on ran through my mind. But all of a sudden, I felt calm. My heart stopped pounding. The butterflies in my stomach took a break, and I took a deep breath. It was the calmest I had felt in days. 

I am in constant prayer for everyone missing a loved one this Christmas. I am in prayer for everyone who is facing a mountain this day and trying to put a happy face on through it all. Remember you are not alone. He loves you, and He will never leave you.

And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his  span of life?
Luke 12:25
Peace I leave with you;my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you.Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.
John 14:27
So we can confidently say,  “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?”
Hebrews 13:6
Look up!

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