Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Wherever You Lead

I am going to send an angel in front of you, to guard you on the way and to bring you to the place that I have prepared.
Exodus 23:20 


Yesterday I had one of those days. It wasn't a bad day, I just had several moments where I had to fight back tears because I just missed him. Some days are just filled with moments where I have an overwhelming desire to just to hold him one more time. The only problem would be that I would always want one more time. I want a lifetime to hold him. 

I have so many mixed emotions right now. One minute I am longing desperately to hold Barrett and I'm flooded with memories of the day they told me his heart had stopped beating. The next minute I am overcome with excitement about different things happening in our lives and anticipation for things to come.

It never fails that on the days where it seems the grief may overtake me, God sends something that transforms my grief into thoughts of my son that fill me up with joy--so much so that I just can't stop smiling.

Yesterday, I was reading my Bible on my Kindle app and I came across the verse at the beginning of this post. It took my breath away as it seemed to jump out at me from the page. It was just perfect. It was exactly what I needed yesterday. 

Like I'm sure many angel moms do, I spend so much time thinking of the "could have beens" and the things I won't get to do with Barrett. But as I read this verse yesterday, I began to think of these things in a more positive light. I would never have taken the path that I am on now had I not given birth to an angel 2 months and 1 day ago. I thought I had my whole life planned. But God had different plans, and He used my little angel and my love for him to direct me in a completely different direction. And you know what? Despite the grief and the pain, it is so much better than anything I ever could have planned

I am going to send an angel in front of you, to guard you on the way and to bring you to the place that I have prepared.
Exodus 23:20  


Thank you God for sending Barrett to bring me down this path. I am so full of love and joy because of this painful journey. I am reminded to not take a moment for granted and to rejoice in the little things. I am so thankful for the ministry You have allowed me to be a part of in my son's name. **

4 comments:

  1. I had not come across this verse until now. I've been having a rough time lately and this verse is exactly what I needed.

    I never thought I would blog or read them but finding others such as yourself has really helped me through this. Other's like yourself have helped put my perspective back in a better place.

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