Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Glorious Day

So many times I catch my mind wandering back to the day Barrett was born. I think that I will remember every single detail for a very long time. I have a thing with clocks when I am waiting for something. I will check the time a hundred times to see what time it is if I am anxious. The same was true for that day. I could tell you the exact time of every single thing that happened the night before he was born down to the details of when they gave me medicine. I'm a tad obsessive about it really. I had a lot of time to think that night. I couldn't sleep. For hours I refused pain medicine because I was terrified of not being completely awake when Barrett was born. When I finally asked for it, I only slept thirty minutes.

I spent those hours reading and watching the television in my room. Several times I wanted to throw something at the tv because I couldn't even watch 48 Hours without something about a baby being on there. I watched a lot of Animal Planet and Hurricane (then Tropical Storm) Isaac coverage. And I spent a lot of time just asking God Why? Why my baby?

There were moments it didn't seem real. There was no way it could be real. My baby had been perfect just days before. How could he so suddenly be gone with no explanation?

I find it much easier to accept things if someone can tell me why it's happening. So many times that night I prayed for answers. I had hoped I might get them at my follow up appointment, but I didn't. None of the tests showed anything for me or Barrett. As far as they could see, he had still been perfect when he passed. So I am still left with no answers other than it wasn't in God's plan for my son to walk this earth.

I hate for someone to tell me that this usually happens because something was wrong with the baby and they wouldn't have had a quality life. Or that it would have been hard on us.

A). I would not consider ANY child a burden. Every life is a blessing.
B). Every medical test showed my son was absolutely perfect. I don't believe for one second that he was taken because "something was wrong with him". I believe he is gone, because that was God's plan for him.

Psalm 139:13-15 and Jeremiah 29:11 both tell me that the Lord knew my son intimately before he was even thought of in this life. God knew everything about Barrett and every moment of His life. From the very beginning God planned for Barrett to go straight from the safety of my womb to the safety of His arms in heaven. That's why my son is gone.

Barrett knows no heartache or pain. He doesn't know what it is like to be disappointed. He knows not the stresses of this life and the trials you and I endure. He only knows the safety of his mother's womb and the joy that comes when we get to spend everyday worshiping our Creator.

So though my mind wanders back to that dreaded day so many times a day, it always ends with the beautiful image of where Barrett is now. And then I think to that Glorious day when I will go to meet my son. I'll recognize him in an instant and I will run to him. I'll hug him tight and listen to him tell me all he has seen and heard and hopefully I'll be able to tell him of the joy he brought to so many here on earth.

Glorious Day (Living He Loved Me)
by: Casting Crowns




 One day when Heaven was filled with His praises
One day when sin was as black as could be
Jesus came forth to be born of a Virgin
Dwelt among men, my example is He

Word became flesh and the light shined among us
His glory revealed

Living He loved me, dying He saved me
And buried He carried my sins far away
Rising He justified freely forever
One day He's coming, oh, glorious day, oh, glorious day

One day they led Him up Calvary's mountain
One day they nailed Him to die on a tree
Suffering anguish, despised and rejected
Bearing our sins, my Redeemer is He

Hands that healed nations, stretched out on a tree
And took the nails for me

'Cause living He loved me, dying He saved me
And buried He carried my sins far away
Rising He justified freely forever
One day He's coming, oh, glorious day, oh, glorious day

One day the grave could conceal Him no longer
One day the stone rolled away from the door
Then He arose, over death He had conquered
Now He's ascended, my Lord evermore

Death could not hold Him
The grave could not keep Him from rising again

Living He loved me, dying He saved me
And buried He carried my sins far away
Rising He justified freely forever
One day He's coming, oh, glorious day, oh, glorious day
Glorious day

One day the trumpet will sound for His coming
One day the skies with His glories will shine
Wonderful day, my beloved one bringing
My Savior Jesus is mine

Living He loved me, dying He saved me
And buried He carried my sins far away
Rising He justified freely forever
One day He's coming, oh, glorious day, oh, glorious day
Glorious day, oh, glorious day

No comments:

Post a Comment

I love hearing from you :)