Monday, September 17, 2012

What's the Point?

Have you ever been at that point in your life where you wonder What am I supposed to do with my life? Of course, I remember thinking this several times during high school as I decided what major and career to pursue, but I distinctly remember thinking this very recently. In fact, it was two weeks ago on a Sunday. I was thinking of my little boy and all of the plans and dreams we had for our family just a few days before. But I thought, those dreams are gone. I can't get them back.

Let me just say, I am a planner. I like to write things out and make lists so I can make sure I don't forget something. When I do forget something, I literally cannot think about anything else until I get it taken care of. So, when I was pregnant with Barrett, I had all of these wonderful plans of how our lives would be leading up to his birth and after his birth. Then, my son's birth became a day of sorrow instead of joy. It was horrible being in labor with my son knowing that after all of this I would be holding his lifeless body. I grieved for my son and I grieved for what could have been. Little did  I know what God had planned for us....

So on this Sunday two weeks ago I was beginning to put together my new life. And I thought Lord what do you want me to do now? Where do I go from here?. It was that night that the dream for Barrett's Blankets was born. I spent a week and a half writing down my goals for this project and covering it in prayer.

On Friday, I unveiled the idea for Barrett's Blankets and I have been blown away. The response we have received has genuinely touched my heart in a way that I could never describe. God is opening so many doors through this. Today I realized that though I don't know exactly where the future will take us, right now God is leading us into a great ministry that has grown beyond anything we ever dreamed. My plan ahead self is learning to focus on the here and now. Each and every time someone messages us with another ministry opportunity through Barrett's Blankets, I have to stop and thank God. After all, He opened these doors.

When I hinted that we were beginning this project and asked you to be in prayer, I received thousands of responses that you were praying. Thank you, thank you, thank you for covering this in prayer.

There have been so many moments this weekend that I was so amazed I literally felt weak in the knees and would just have to hit the floor and praise my Jesus who made this possible. I feel like God has me right where He wants me and I pray these doors continue to open. I am so thankful to be so busy crocheting, answering emails and Facebook messages, and coordinating with different people to work with.

One of the beautiful days that Barrett was with us
To my fellow angel mommies, do not hesitate to shoot a message if you want to talk. So many of you already have. I understand the need to talk about the trials we have faced and I am glad to be your ears. I feel like so many want to talk, but they don't. I feel like we don't talk sometimes because when people avoid the subject like the plague around you, it almost makes you feel like you shouldn't talk about it. But the thing is a lot of us need to talk. So I'm here I promise. I make a huge effort to personally read and respond to every message and I add each and every one of you to my prayer list. Your babies are all so special, and if you're like me, you just want others to know how special they are.

If you know an angel mommy but you aren't sure what to say, sometimes you don't have to say anything. Just listen  if they want to tell you about their baby.

So, back to the title of this post What's the Point?--the point is that our plans are not always God's plans. Where I am at in my life right now is nothing like the plans I had for myself. But the thing is, I am exactly where I need to be. Praise God that He is in control and not me.

Thank you for your love, support, and prayers--I know my son is busy worshiping Jesus, but when I see him again I can't wait to tell him how God used his life here. I can't wait to introduce him to the people who are in heaven because they accepted Jesus after God touched something in their hearts when they read his story. I can't wait to tell him what my daughter is learning right now because of you all--that there are a lot of people in this world who truly care about others.

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