Sunday, September 16, 2012

The Dreaded Question

I knew this day would come, and to be honest, I haven't been looking forward to it. I knew that one day, someone would ask me if Audrey was my only child. Now, I love talking about my son, but I just haven't been sure how I should answer that question without making the other person feel awkward. I've prayed about it, but I still had not decided how I would handle it.

Today, I ran into someone I didn't know. She was talking about Audrey, and then came the question: Is she your only child?. Without even thinking about it, I said She is my only child here, but she has a little brother in heaven. I had no idea how I would answer this, but when the time came, my answer was out of my mouth before I even realized what I was saying. Once again, God opened a door for me. In telling this person about my son, I was given the opportunity to tell them about my Jesus.

To me, it goes hand in hand. There is no way that I can tell Barrett's story without telling them about Jesus. If you ever ask me about my son, you will see my face light up. I never imagined 24 days ago that I would be sitting here now so full of joy.  Yes, I want to hold and rock my boy like other mothers do, but even from heaven Barrett has brought me so much joy in being his mother.

If you're just starting to follow Barrett's story, you should go back and start reading my posts from a month ago. God has done some amazing things through his life. If you have been following us, then you know why I can't talk about one without telling you about the other.

When I tell people my son is in heaven, it is natural for them to want to know what happened. I used to think that I would never be ok with talking about it. Instead, it's just the opposite. When I answer their questions about Barrett, their next question is usually--wow, you just lost him last month? I know they think I'm crazy for smiling so much. I should be sad and depressed, right? Wrong. Yes, I do have my moments, but that's normal. Overall, though, I am overjoyed. Then, I have the opportunity to tell them why I am so happy--my Jesus.

Today proved to me that I often waste time dreading something for no reason. This question that I thought would be awkward and painful, was an open door to share my Jesus with another person.

I've always told people going through a bad situation that God had a plan and He would bring good from it, and yes I believed it. Now, I am living it. The worst thing I could have ever imagined has brought me so much joy and has changed so many lives. My God is that good--He can take the worst situation and use it to bring glory to Him.


  1. Loved reading your post and I could relate. I'm an older children are raised but long ago I had a baby boy that died at six weeks of age. It wasn't seemed one minute I had just given birth and was holding him and in the next he was gone, but as a believer I have always had the secure feeling that he is in Heaven and I will see him again someday. Usually when anyone asks how many children I have I say I have four on earth and one in Heaven. Sometimes I get some strange looks but that's the way I believe and it is natural for me to say it. I never thought of it as being a way to share Jesus with others but you are right, it is. Even if the conversation goes no further, who knows how God may use it. Thank you for your post.


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